After several exhausting months of smug, reformed swordsman Russell Brand has ‘fessed up to the fact that marriage is about as fun as watching an ant slowly die over several years.
Mr lover lover himself, who once claimed to have bedded 1000 wimmin, says he now spends more time pruning hedges than giving his wife Katy Perry a poke – and that things are all a bit, well, samey.
No-longer-randy-Russ, said: “I can’t believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I’m married. But now I’m a bloody good gardener.”
Talking (and probably crying) to Piers Morgan on his dreadful inspirational Life Stories show, Brand droned on about how dull life has become now he’s stopped snorting coke off prostitutes’ body parts.
“It’s difficult to get used to one person, and being in the same house with them every day.
“And she takes ages to get ready. It’s unbelievable, I had no idea what went on, I was never normally around for that bit.
“If she leaves stuff lying around, I have to deal with it, and if I leave stuff on the floor I have to pick it up. That confuses me.
“I see her a lot, that’s what marriage is, like it or lump it, she is always around.”
On staying faithful to his poptastic missus for the rest of his life, he replied: “Like with everything, drugs, alcohol, I take it one step at a time.
“Of course marriage is for life, and that’s what I wanted.”
“I’ve never been in love before Katy, I’m not one for crying, but I got choked at the wedding.”
He even admits mini Brands are on the cards, saying: “Yeah children, that would be good wouldn’t it..?”
He quipped: “I’m aware I have no recourse if they misbehave. ‘Expelled from school for drugs? Well done, you’re on target.'”
I give it six months, tops.
'THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS' 